I Don't Understand

I’m frustrated!

 

I don’t understand!

 

I don’t understand how she feels.

 

On a night when my love tells me.

 

“I have nothing to give.

 

I’m at zero”

 

 

Tired from the week she’s had.  

 

The stress of thirty years of teaching.

 

Has built to a boiling point.

 

The politics, the kids, her co-workers.

 

Coming home to bills and pets,

 

A dirty house.

 

And no matter how many times she cleans it.

 

To her, it still feels like it’s dirty. 

 

Plus, she is raising a talented.

 

But forgetful high school senior to boot. 

 

 

 

Raising a child, caring for pets, and keeping up a home.

 

Is quite much.

 

Especially, when you are the lone adult in the house.

 

This I fully understand and can commiserate.  

 

But I’ve never been a teacher. 

 

So, it’s hard for me to relate.

I’m just excited to see my fiancée.

 

After being apart all week. 

 

Text and FaceTime are nice.

 

It’s not the same as being together. 

 

Where I can kiss her lips.

 

Smell her perfume.

 

And hold her tight. 

 

 

I don’t understand.

 

Why she doesn’t.

 

On this night.

 

Feel the same?

 

Why doesn’t she reciprocate my affection?

 

Just a hug or a “thank you baby.”

 

That’s all I need.

 

To calm the sadness in my heart. 

 

 

I know what I said last night was wrong.

 

And I am so sorry.

 

But, why can’t she see my insecurity?

 

Raging in my mind. 

 

I’ve seen too many nights like this.

 

In my scared past.

 

 

When I am at zero.

With life.

 

Pain searing through my body.

 

Like a sword slicing open its prey.

 

 

The thought of her.

 

Her voice. Her “I love you” messages.

 

Keep me going.

 

Like a sorcerer’s cure. 

 

 

So, I don’t understand.

 

How to do the same for her. 

 

And….

 

That makes me sad.